So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
