i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
