two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
