1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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