I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
