Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
