I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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