I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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