I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
