He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
