He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
