I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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