Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this hospital has no fireball
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
