better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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