Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
