Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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