The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
