Betty ford says i'm here all night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
