I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
