her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
