you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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