Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
