The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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