U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
there is glitter all over my balls
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