y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
