It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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