That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
