So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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