do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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