mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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