somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
