So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
