And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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