My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
