peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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