Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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