sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
