It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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