either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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