Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
