I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize