Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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