woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
