First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
