Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm like, not good at living.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
