How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
