Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
