ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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