His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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