Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
