I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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