There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
