yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
