shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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