have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
