well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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