I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
