Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
