it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
