You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
