Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my being single is dangerous.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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