Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
