Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Blood and glitter go together right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
