Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
