shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the day after is always just damage control
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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