i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
